Don't Smoke This Cigar!

Am I out of my mind, or is the Gurkha Centurian Double X the most overhyped rip-off in the world? Please tell me, I really want to know.

This burly looking cigar is sold at C.I. for a hefty price of 70 bucks per mazo of 6 sticks. Throw in shipping and handling, and you're out 13 bucks per stick. No telling how much a retail shop would charge for these things - I'm guessing 26 or 28 dollars apiece.

And then there's this whole backstory of these cigars being consigned for private use by the Sultan of Brunei. Is there even such a place? Does it have a sultan? If so, does he have any taste in cigars? And if he did, would it match anyone else's? And if his private stash is so good, why is it now being dumped on the open market?

Anyway, a buddy at work and I jumped at the chance to buy these at 12 for 49 bucks when they popped up as the weekly special at C.I. a few months ago. Boy were we excited, rubbing our hands in expectation, making furtive comments as we passed in the hallways. Finally, the fat little bastards came in. Finally, we would get to smoke like a sultan. Our mouths were practically watering.

A week later we compared notes: Did you try 'em? Yep. Whatja think? Hmm, not sure. Not so great, were they? Nope, not really. Kinda crappy, huh? Yep. And certainly not worth 28 bucks. You can say that again...

We walked away from each other, humbled and sheepish.

In the meantime, my wife sampled one and decided that for once she had found a cigar she liked. It tasted like chocolate, she said! Chocolate! Go figure. So I bought out my compatriot's remaining 4 sticks, to keep them on hand for the wife.

In subsequent weeks, I've sampled these fat boys as my wife happily noshes on them, and each time I can only say: Baffled.

Last weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back. After enjoying a perfectly delicious Carlos Torano 1916 Cameroon (corona), I watched as my wife puffed away on another Gurkha Centurian. And as usual, I grabbed it from her once every ten minutes to sample it, in the vague hope that eventually I would come around on this cigar, find a sweet spot, a hint of flavor, anything. But no such luck. Yet again, this thing drew like crap, tasted like crap, and unwound in our hands like crap. Even the wife admitted that she was no longer infatuated like the first couple of times, although she did continue to mention the word "chocolate." CHOCOLATE! Lord help us.

No more leeway, no more grace period, no more test puffs: I'm putting my foot down and saying once and for all: The Gurkha Centurian Double X stinks. It's a horrid, ugly smoke, and it isn't worth 3 dollars, much less 30. Buy it for your wife, if you must, but only buy it at discount.

If I'm wrong, please enlighten me. I really want to know.